What Drove Me to Madness
by Kaiame
Summary: Continuance of Winter Walk (1S) Raven, stuck in the limbo of death and life, thinks back on what put her here. Please Review.
1. In the Beginning

Much thanks to:

**DarkDeamon3**

**RavenDarkSorceress**

TTfan

raven

**kairi kingdom**

**alena-chan**

**_OK! IF YOU DON'T THINK I SHOULD DO THIS, PLEASE TELL ME AND I'LL TAKE IT OFF!_**Here's my new thing. Let's see if I can't turn this one-shot into a story? (hey, it's worth a try) Some of you (please don't ask me who…it might have been **RavenDarkSorceress**) said it seemed…incomplete. Thank you for pointing that out. I read back over and said "Golly gee wiz, it seems like something's missing" Actually, I didn't have the 'golly gee wiz' part, but all the same. TTfan…..about the whole Starfire thing…..nu-uh. No comment. **DarkDeamon3**….:bursts into tears: I'm so glad you liked it…..THATS SO GREAT! Thanks for the encouragement **Alena-chan, XLife **& raven, and **kairi kingdom**, feel free to point out any mistakes…I AM SO OPEN FOR SUGGESTIONS! **Otakualways, **yes, the italics are robin.Ok, here I go, and wish me luck. And lets just see how many persons (I, you, he/she) I can turn this into!

**What Drove Me to Madness**

**Chapter 1-In the Beginning**

I suppose I should start from the beginning. My feelings were totally under control the whole entire time. I'm lying, of course, as I say this, but you never needed to know that. And I'm also sure that you don't need me to tell you what has happened in our past. But, I'll do it. Just for you. Just so you can see how you drove me to this madness.

It started off slow, like the ripple in the middle of the sea that slowly forms into a tidal wave. I can't tell you exactly when it started, but it was so subtle that I didn't notice it until it smacked me dead in the face. Ha, dead.

You always seemed so in charge. Always so calm. You were so in control of everything, and you never had to worry about hiding anything. Never had to worry about what you thought. Never had to rein in your emotions to manage your power. So, I guess you can say that I envied, envy, will envy, you.

But now I hover between death and you. My memories are the only thing to tie me down. I remain in limbo, and I think.

(A while back…)

"Beast Boy, please! Will you stop watching T.V.?" Cyborg yelled, his voice booming throughout the tower. Raven walked out of her room and headed to where the two were fighting.

"No. You never know. One day it might just come in handy."

"Oh, please. Like it's going to do anything for you. I seriously doubt you will ever be on a rerun of Wheel of Fortune to know all the answers." Cy thundered.

"Like you actually can answer all the correct letters from every episode." Beast Boy folded his arms. "You're just jealous."

"Why would anyone be jealous of _you_?" Raven asked, setting a hand on the couch. Robin stood in one of the doorways, a hand hiding his smile. She shook her head, her face apathetic. "I mean, it's not like you're too good for anything, right?"

"Will you never stand up for me?" Beast Boy groaned, but Cy just laughed. He knew Raven was kidding in her own little way.

"Please," Starfire said, walking in. "Beast Boy is good at changing into animals, is he not?"

"She's being sarcastic," Cy said, explaining. Starfire continued to look puzzled but said nothing.

"Besides, isn't it your night to make dinner?" Robin finally chimed in. Beast Boy groaned.

"Why must you all gang up on me?"

"You're an easy target," Raven said.

He groaned again but headed off to the kitchen.

"I'm going to get a quick charge in before dinner, and then….TWISTER!" exclaimed Cy.

Raven slapped herself on the forehead with her palm. "You people are impossible." Her voice, as always, was inflectionless.

"We are going to play a game about the natural disaster also know as a tornado?" Star asked.

"Not quite. You see, it's a game where everybody puts their hand on a colored dot, and twist around until some one falls….We'll explain it when it's time to play," Robin said.

After dinner, the mat was spread, and Beast Boy hopped excitedly around. "I love this game! Don't you? Huh, Raven? Don't you?"

"Shut up. I refuse to degrade myself to such a primal level: crawling on the ground. No, thanks." She sat down on the couch and grabbed the spinner. "Left foot red," she said, sighing.

Two games later, the rest of the Titans begged for her to join them.

"Beast Boy can man the spinner," Robin said.

"Man!" Beast Boy cried.

"Yeah. No one likes a cheat. He keeps turning into all sorts of different animals so he can win. That hippo trick wasn't funny. Isn't it against the rules somewhere?" Cy complained.

"Hey, no need to hate me just because I'm well endowed." Beast Boy said. Raven actually snorted at this, but hid it as a sneeze.

"Please, Raven. Do you not wish to join us in this game of twisting?" Starfire looked hurt.

"We'll never bug you about it ever again if you play," Cy tempted.

Raven stared at them.

…

…

…

"Well?" Beast Boy asked, breaking the silence.

"Fine."

She left the mat and stood in between Cy and Robin on the mat.

"Right foot green. Left foot blue. Left hand red. Right hand blue. Left foot yellow. Right hand yellow."

Through the shifting, somehow Robin's hand made it under her leg. His arm brushed against her thigh and sent a jolt to her stomach. Stupid food, she thought. Beast Boy never made anything for normal….well, semi-normal, people.

The next call, she couldn't remember what, sent Cy almost crashing into her. He caught himself at the last moment, but she toppled over and some how managed to roll over onto Robin. He looked up at her with a smile playing on his lips.

"Well, we lose," he said.

God, he was comfortable. Much better than that stupid mat. That's why she said it. It was nice to stretch out after being cramped in odd shapes. She rolled off.

"You can never bother me about this again," she said, and she walked off to her room.

(Present)

Do you remember that? It was so insignificant. Still, your smile….

Do you hear me? No, of course not. You've left me again. I don't feel anger towards you though. I would leave me too.

I feel like I'm bouncing. Who is holding me? Something touches my lips. Warm, but what is it? I can barely open my mouth to it. The dark of Death doesn't like it, and it screams at me to stop. Death seems so wise. Should I listen? Hmm, too late. It's a tear. Who is crying over me? Who is holding me?

_**Raven, it's me. We're taking you to the ambulance. Just hold on a little longer.**_

It sounds so much like you. It's uncanny. But you've left. The darkness is welcoming me back.

_**Raven, listen to me. Stay with me.**_

Death grabs my hand, whispers in my ear.

I'm being pulled back and forth. My recollections shall decide where I belong.

Please tell me what you thought of this…I dunno what to do. I am so open to anything, it is unbelievable. Don't think it should be here/ TELL ME…..think it belongs….TELL ME! Not quite sure? Confused? Need a vacation? TELL ME! Kk, thanks.!


	2. A Haunting Voice

**Disclaimer, for now and eternity: I (sadly) own Teen Titans….I never will…..**

**Archangel Ganzia**** –** If I knew what ur other ones were about, I would, but I don't know those things so…I'm SO SORRY!

**RavenDarkSorceress—**No, I'm not finished, as you can see. Please don't go insane on me…and here….RECONGNITION!

**Otakualways—**Hmm…..that's a kewl idea…lets see how far I can get with this. I was thinking about having alternate endings neways, so ur suggestion just helps boost that. THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENT (I almost cried, I swear)

**DarkDeamon3—**I have no idea what way I should go with. I'm kinda going with the flow. I guess we'll just have to see. DON'T CRY (cuz then I'll have to and I'll totally make my nose puffy and that's never good!)

Please forgive me, I'm horrible at battle scenes.

It seems weird writing about this now considering that I had a friend who attempted to commit suicide just recently. I'm currently waiting for more info on that, but its so weird. I wrote this before I knew, and…I dunno, it just seems really strange to me. Who knows?

* * *

**What Drove Me to Madness**

**Chapter 2—A Haunting Voice**

I think I should have realized that something was going to happen between us. Maybe I was trying to fool myself. Maybe I was trying to fool everyone else. Maybe I was afraid. No, I don't think that's it. And even if it is, I'm going to deny it until the day that I day. But that may be soon, so I'm just going to deny it. There are some things pride won't let through.

I can remember a lot of things, sitting here, where time has stopped. I remember when Starfire first came, when I first really met Cyborg, when I first had to deal with Beast Boy (oh lord), and, I remember my first everything with you. You were always special, always the one to stand out in the crowd. But you know me. I'm still in denial.

(_Back)_

The shower was hot. _Lucky me, _she thought, _I got it before Beast Boy could empty the water heater._

Raven hummed to herself as she finished rinsing off. Putting one foot out of the shower, she grabbed at towel and pulled it up to her neck before stepping out all the way.

"What!"

"OHMIGOD!"

"I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything! I'm sorry! I thought you were Beast Boy. I was only trying to brush my teeth, honestly! The towel was in the way, covering-whatever you want to call it." Robin had a hand over his eyes and was stumbling towards the door. "I'm going to go now. I'm sorry." With that, he hit the door, found the doorknob, and flung himself out into the hall.

Raven stood in front of the shower, towel still covering, her eyes wide and one hand over her mouth

…(TT)…

The flashing red light woke them all up. She scowled as she stormed into the hallway.

"What now?" Cy said, yawning. "I didn't even get in a proper 30 minutes of extra charge."

"And, please, why does most of the crime on The Earth happen during The Night?"

"That is a really good question," Raven said.

"Killer Moth, again, has decided to attack the city with his huge mutant moths. They're bigger this time." Robin stretched

"Man, where does he keep getting these things?" Beast Boy groaned.

"I don't know," Robin replied thoughtfully. "Anyway, Titans, let's go!"

Ten minutes and a yawn fest later, they arrived to see 10 gi-normous (A/N sp? I like this word)) moths hissing and ramming into things downtown.

"Titans, GO!"

Starfire tried to hit them with her powers, but that only seemed to fuel them. Cyborg tried to shoot them with his cannon, but that only seemed to tick them off. Beast Boy tried a couple different shapes, but none worked. Robin only succeeded in getting thrown off of three of them.

"Raven, do you think your power will work?" Robin yelled. He was about to ask again, when she didn't answer, when she raised into the air and said:

"Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" Black magic flew from her fingers and hit one of the moths dead on. It screeched and fell to the ground. She picked up an empty (she hoped) bus and hurled it at another one. It rammed into the one behind it and they both tumbled as well.

She shook her head to clear it of fatigue and continued. One after another after another she took care of until she was down to the largest one.

"Just one more, Raven," Star called.

I'm tired, she wanted to say, but she kept her mouth shut. No one needed to know that. _Once more,_ she thought.

"Azarath Zinthos Metrion!" The world went black.

(_Dream Sequence)_

_"Raven? Do you think your power will work?"_

_"Yeah, we really need to bake this tofu cake!"_

_"I wasn't talking about a tofu cake. Beast Boy, go play Twister with Cy and Star."_

_"Okay."_

_"Raven, do you know that I need you? Why do you insist on making it so hard for me?"_

_Raven shook her head, confused. "I don't know what you're talking about, Robin."_

_"You have to make it so hard." He picked her up and sat her on his lap._

_"What are you doing?" she asked, but no anger marked her voice._

_He leaned forward. "Don't make this hard." He leaned closer, his lips hovering…_

_(End Dream Sequence)_

Raven shot up in bed. The Titans sat around her. She wasn't in her room, she was in the Titan infirmary. "What happened?" she asked.

"You fell from the sky. I caught you, and Robin carried you home," said Starfire.

"He wouldn't even let us help him in the car," Cyborg said. He leaned in closer and whispered, "I think he felt responsible."

"Well _I_ think he just likes Raven." Everyone glared at Beast Boy. "What? I'm not entitled to an opinion?"

"I'm right here, you know," said Robin. "You are okay, Raven, right?"

"I'm alright enough to get to my room and go to bed."

"But—"

(_Present)_

Later on Starfire would tell me how you refused to let me go. How you had cradled me in your arms. I refused to tell her about my dream, my dreams that I would have from then on. You were in almost every one, talking to me, telling me these things. My subconscious was screaming at me to pay attention. Could I have had you if I had listened then?

Am I in the ambulance now? I can feel something surging through my veins, and this dark cloud of Death in my mind doesn't like it. It growls and snarls and hisses at it, then turns to me and whines not to be alone. I don't want to be alone either. Are Death and I good companions then?

Where are you, my handsome Boy Blunder? Are you beside me, because I cannot tell. Did they not let you in? Or are you wrapped in Star's arms? You deserve life. I deserve death. But I can faintly hear my subconscious screaming. Should I listen to it this time?

* * *

Okey dokey, umm, so, I guess tell me what you think? It's not that great of a chapter. I dunno. I think I really suck at this, but then again, I'm really bored. So, I guess, please review. 


	3. First Night, Little Delight

Okay, so here is my new chapter…yeah. How much fun, right? But that's ok, because it's late, I'm bored, and I figure that I might as well write a new chapter. Oh joy for me!

**Raeandrob4eva…**this should keep you from waiting

**DarkSin**..hehe, you have no idea how meaningful your name is. Here's the update

**Ace Gray Manx…**Not only do I love how you spell "colourful" (go you) but I thank you for appreciating my writing.

**Chica de los Ojos Café, Shifty Banana, **and** XLife…**Thanks a bunches to you guys for reading and reviewing.

Now, to the "Real Titan Fan" out there….

Who are you? What is your problem? Do I know you? Do I care? Thanks for your "opinion", I hope you die.

People like you cause me to have self doubt. Thank you. If you did it for the attention, its working. A-HOLE!

Mmk. Now. Back to this story that I'm thinking about dropping. :pastes phony smile on face: Here we go.

* * *

**What Drove Me to Madness**

**Chapter 3—First Night, Little Delight**

Not all of our time together was uneventfully dreadful by the way my mood pulled the evenings down. Sometimes it was uneventfully dreadful by the way Fate likes to twist things. Fate always had a crush on me.

Still, so many times did I have to wonder about you, me, about us. Then, just because I was me, I dismissed it as if it was nothing. I know you've heard of foreshadowing. I know I've ignored it for ever. It's the little things like neon pink foam that brought us together. It's the big things like bright red hair and golden skin that pushed us apart. At least, it did in my crazed mind.

(_Back_)

"Hey, are you doing better?"

"Hmm?" Raven asked, looking away from the window, which showed the near setting sun. It was the first time she had been out of her room all day. "Oh, yeah. I'm fine, Robin."

"I'm just checking. It was scary, seeing you fall like that."

"We all have our off days."

"Um, sure. Have you seen Star?"

"She's going to be keeping to herself today. Some Tamaranian holiday I can't pronounce. She's eating her berries and saying her poems and staying alone for the day."

"And Cy?"

"Out with BumbleBee. A movie, or something."

"So that means, that for dinner…"

"Oh, god." Raven said quietly, closing her eyes.

"Dinner is ready!" Beast Boy cried from the kitchen. "I made tofu burgers with three kinds of onions, tofu sponge cake, low-fat chocolate milkshakes, and anchovy surprise!"

"We need to go shopping tomorrow, don't we?" Robin asked, "Because we're all out of real food."

"Yep! Come and get it!"

…(TT)…

_Never again_, she thought. _I'll starve next time. Oh, god, my stomach hurts. Oo. I don't see how Robin ate that with a strait face. Eww, or a calm stomach either._

Her stomach rolled and tightened again. _Bathroom. BATHROOM!_

She got up and slipped out her door, grabbing a wastebasket on the way. She managed to stop in the hallway and fight the urge to puke right then, fearing some one would walk out and discover her in a weak state.

Raven walked into the bathroom to find the light already on and a head already hovering over the toilet.

"You too?" Robin asked weakly, his face a pale green. He must have managed to take a shower before hand, because he was dressed only from the waist down and his hair hung limp, still wet, and not done up with gel.

Raven just nodded and headed to the medicine cabinet, where she grabbed a bottle. She then proceeded to sit next to Robin, looping a strand of dark hair behind her ear. ((A/N: I swear! I cannot spell tonight. It took me FIVE MINUTES to realize how to spell cabinet, three to stop typing ear as year, yeer, or eer, and three tries to spell spell as s-p-e-l-l and not s-p-e-e-l.))

"What did you grab?" He asked, looking over from his porcelain pillow.

"Pepto Bismol," she said, opening the cap and taking a drink out of the bottle. She grimaced as she swallowed and put a hand on her stomach as if to calm it.

"Let me have some," he said, reaching over and grabbing the bottle. He drank out of it to and choked down the mouthful. "I guess we have to wait now."

"Oh glorious joy," Raven said.

"What was that anyway? It tasted like tires." Robin laid his head back on the seat and looked over at Raven, who leaned her head back on a cabinet under one of the sinks.

"You've tasted tires? You do have some free time, don't you Boy Blunder." Raven gave a small laugh. "No, I know what you mean. And now's the time to be excessively paranoid. I think Star and Cy have a plot along with Beast Boy to take the two of us out."

"I think you're delusional. Then again, delusional is fun. I agree." He laughed. All was calm for half of a second, then…

"Oh, my stomach…" and then Robin proceeded to emit a mouthful of bright, neon pink foam into the toilet.

"Eww, that's disgusting. You're going to make me—" Ugh, too late. Raven turned suddenly and spilled her own share of the pink mess.

_Flush!_

"As soon as I can stand up, I swear I'm going to kill Beast Boy," Robin said.

"Don't forget about the tofu, too. That just needs to die. God, this is so gross. Please, talk some more. That makes me feel better."

"Umm…I don't really have anything to say. Training's been going good."

"Ah, training. You've been kicking those cardboard cut-out's butts, have you?"

"You better believe it. What else? Uhh… I ate this nasty dinner and now I'm sick with you."

"Tell me something I don't already know, please? Tell me, I don't know, a story or something."

"A story? Um, okay. Uh, let's see…Once upon a time, uh, there was a tree. And, uh, the tree started out as an acorn, um, so yeah, it was an oak tree. And this little acorn wanted to be, I don't know, a pecan really bad. So he grew up and up and up and waited to magically become a pecan tree. Only it never happened. And one day the tree got chopped down."

"What kind of story was that?" Raven asked, slumping down farther on the floor.

"I'm not done? Uh, so the tree got cut up and made into a headboard for a bed, and the material was an oak/pecan blend. Um, the end?"

"I still don't see what kind of story that was."

"Okay, then let me make up a moral. Life sucks, then you die?"

"True," Raven said, "but not applicable."

"The best things come to those who wait?"

"To overused."

"Be glad you're not a tree."

"I am. Try once more."

"Even if you can't be what you want, it doesn't stop you from being with what you want."

Raven was quiet for a moment. She then said softly. "That'll work."

It was quiet a while longer until Robin said, "Sitting like this is killing my neck."

"So come lay on the floor with me. I'm pretty comfortable." Raven yawned. He slid down, his head landing on her stomach. She groaned. "Oh, not good."

"I'm sorry. Be glad you're not a tree."

"Too true. I think I'm about to fall asleep."

"Mmhmm."

She set a hand on his hair. "Good night, Boy Blunder."

"G'night, Ra—" he dropped out, his breathing slowing.

His voice echoed in her head_. Even if you can't be what you want, it doesn't stop you from being with what you want._ She didn't even stop herself from such thoughts. She only fell asleep with his head on her belly.

The other Titans would find them in the morning in close to the same position, eyes closed tight and a bottle of Pepto Bismol halfway across the room.

(_Present_)

That was an interesting night. Looking back, if I never would have known what would happen in the future, I would be shocked to see myself here, now. Then again, I know, and I'm telling you. I'm selfish, for telling you this, for almost blaming you for putting me here.

My mind wages a war against itself just as Death does against the light of your warmth, where ever it went. One part of me knows I don't deserve you, and that you'll never belong to me. But, the other… The other has made a promise. It says, Death is scary, growling at everything but me. It turns to me and smiles, whispers, begs for me to stay with it, to leave you behind. If you would fight this Death for me, I would come back to you.

Robin, where are you?

Come back to me.

No, stay where you are.

Come.

Stay.

Come.

Stay.

Come!

Stay!

Please, Robin. Fight.

* * *

Righty-oh. It took me alittle over an hour to write this because…well, I can't write when my brain doesn't work. Imagine that. Well, Please Review. Anything, everying. IDC…if you have any questions, comments, please, feel free to ask. Really, free. When I say free, I mean it. Free…Hey, I can spell that pretty well….ok, yeah, I'm leaving now. 


	4. Up, Down, and All Around

The whole pink foam effect is dedicated to my dear Lindsay, who sits there patiently on the phone and listens to me blab incessantly about this fan fic, my reviews, and everything else. Therefore, the previous chapter is dedicated to her. This chapter, don't ask me why, is dedicated to Kagome loves Inuyasha, just to shove it in her face that even though I don't have that much free time, I can still post stuff…HERE"S TO YOU BUDDY

And to anyone out there who hasn't already realized this yet, this is a continuance of my one shot winter walk….so if there is unneeded confusion….ok, I just confused my self…onto my reviewers

**Crystalshine-**HEY! You're back! Thank you for reviewing…when are you going to post again?

**DarkDeamon3—**Thank you!

**DarkSin—**Thank you, too!

**Raeandrob4eva—**YOU ARE MY NEW HONORARY REVIEWER! YAY:Throws confetti in air and dances around:

**Magic Rabbit, Zicora—**Thank you for reading my story!

**Chica de los Ojos Café—**Thank you for reviewing. I really really appreciate it!

**Otakualways—**Hate to ruin any magic (if there was any) but I made the tree story up on the top of my head, just like I think Robin might have. Notice the ums….yeah. Thanks for reading!

**RavenDarkSorceress—**YAY! I'm glad you liked it. I can type today, so we're doing better. :D

Here we go again. I shall try…very hard, mind you, to see how long I can make this into a story, but I really don't want to drag….you guys will inform me when I do, right? Cuz if you don't, I'm lost, and if I'm lost, it's a bad thing, right? Right? Ok, let's see what comes out now!

* * *

**What Drove Me to Madness**

**Chapter 4—Up, Down, and All Around**

Hope is a funny word. It means desire, aspiration, dream, chance. It's something that not many people can grasp, at least not in so many words. It's alright, though, for me to give up on hope now, isn't it? Happiness only comes once, doesn't it? I've had enough happiness, haven't I? It's selfish of me to keep thinking about you, isn't it?

So many questions keep haunting me. I swear, it's almost like you're taunting me, teasing me again, like you have so many times before. I'm not sure if any of it was ever intentional. Bright blue neon light cast a whole new out look on things, don't they?

And money offered only bribes a soul so far.

(_Back_)

"Dudes! There is so a carnival in town. Can we go? Can we go?" Beast Boy ran into the living room, jumping up and down. Robin, Cyborg, and Beast Boy sat on the couch.

"What is this A Carnival that you talk about?" Starfire asked, looking willing to find out.

"It's this big place with tons of rides and food and games and lights and music and rides and candy and rides and balloons and rides! It is so AWESOME!"

"This, Carnival, sound like lot's of the Awesome. May we go, Robin, please?"

"Now hold on a second, B. I'm not sure I even want to think about going." Cy looked at him firmly.

"Yeah, but I heard that there is going to be tons of pizza and…sausage on a stick."

Raven walked into the room as Cyborg said. "Please? Oh, please, Robin, can we go? Can we go?"

"Where exactly are we entertaining the idea of going?" she asked, staring at Cy hard until he calmed down a bit.

"They want to go to a carnival," Robin said.

"As a group! Like, as in all of us!" Beast Boy said.

"Are you kidding me?" Raven shot.

"Please, friend Raven, it will be much the Awesome." Starfire's eyes pleaded.

"There is no way that I will wind up in a stupid, good for nothing, idiotic carnival with—"

…(TT)…

"Clowns." Raven shivered. She hated clowns, absolutely loathed them.

"Oooh!" Starfire said, her eyes lighting up. "What is that? And why do they have horses with poles through the middle. Is not that cruel?"

"It's a ride. It's called a carousel."

"Ooh!" Starfire squealed again. "Please, friend Raven, will you ride with me? Please?"

Ten minutes later, Raven sat on a richly painted horse that moved slowly up in down, traveling in a circle. Starfire was several horses in front of her, giggling in utmost delight.

Robin sat next to Raven on an ostrich. Somehow, she had managed to drag him on with her, saying something to the fact that she would not suffer alone.

"It's not that bad, you have to admit," Robin said. "Okay, I'm lying, but it's making Star happy."

"Mmhmm."

"Uh, Raven. You've got something in your hair. I just noticed. It's pink. I think it's cotton candy. Here." He reached up. She leaned over so he could pull it out. "There, I got it."

She turned to face him. "Did you?"

"Yeah," he said. "I did." He laughed. "You look really funny sitting on that horse."

"At least I don't have to be shamed by sitting on a flightless bird."

"We're you eating cotton candy?" he asked suddenly.

"No, Star was. Why?"

"Because you have some on you face. Hold on and I'll get it." He put his fingers under her chin and brushed of her cheek with his thumb. She gasped inwardly, surprised to feel his fingers on her skin. Without thinking, she leaned closer, as did he. They neared, and they were about to touch—

"This is much fun, is it not, Robin?" Starfire called, turning around. Robin dropped his hand from Raven's face.

"Yeah," he called back up, roughly.

Embarrassment flared inside Raven. She got off the horse and flew into the air, a moment of disorientation causing her to dip. She landed on the other side of the fence and took off at a run. She didn't hear Robin calling for her from behind.

_Stupid,_ she thought. _How ridiculously stupid of me! He wasn't trying to kiss me. I had to take that whole thing into the wrong context. Stupid! _She spotted the Ferris Wheel and ran up the steps.

"Ten bucks if you can keep me on this ride alone," she told the attendant. He nodded and accepted the bill she shoved into his fist. He helped her into a bucket lined in neon blue light and shut the door before walking back to his controls and starting the ride.

Once she got used to the start-stop motion of the machine, she began to relax. "Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos." She chanted softly. "Azarath. Metrion. Zinthos."

She was beginning to fall into her meditative state when she heard a voice beside her ask, "Why did you run?"

Her eyes shot open and her heart pounded as she stared Robin dead in the face.

"How did you get on here?"

"I told the attendant that I would pay him twenty dollars if he could get me on with you."

Raven curled her fist beside her. _Damn my luck_.

"Why didn't you stay on with Star?" she asked.

"Why didn't you?" he retorted.

"Do I look like someone who would willingly ride a carousel?"

"Do _I_?"

"Robin, why did you follow me?" She looked at him intently, almost hoping to scare him off.

"Because," he said, leaning in closer, "being a flightless bird doesn't suit me."

"Oh, really," she half said, half asked. She wasn't quiet sure what to think.

"Mmhmm," he said, leaning closer. She stayed where she was, still not sure how to react. "Raven-" His lips met hers.

Blessed agony! Torturous glee! How her head spun! Her breath was caught in her throat. Her stomach rolled in combination of the sudden surprise and being at the top of the wheel. She couldn't think, couldn't move. The dark sky above her sung-

"Robin! Raven!" They pulled away hurriedly. "Which ever one you guys are in, let's go. B is down here getting impatient. He and Star want to ride the Teacups, but they want you guys to come, too. Actually, they're making me go, and I don't want to go by myself. Get off!"

Without a word, they got off. Raven silently fumed on the teacup ride, where she got stuck with Beast Boy and had to watch the swirling image of Starfire clinging to Robin.

(_Present_)

I still don't blame you for that. It was something that stayed with me for a while, eating at my mind. Why do you feel like torturing me so?

_**I'm fine, I swear. Just let me see her.**_

Your voice is back. Death nuzzles against me like a lost puppy.

_**The doctors can check me out as soon as I see her, please.**_

Who are you talking to? Who do you want to see?

_**Star…**_

Ah, figures. Why wait. Only one reason I can think of. I need to tell you what put me here. Then I can die.

* * *

Yeah, there it is, my chapter. Go spiffy for me. Please review, and thanks a bunches. I know this chapter sucked, like everything else, but who cares, right? 


	5. Night

I'm Baaaaack(gee, kinda kreepy, no?) Spring break is interesting…I actually have been getting up really early in the morning to watch shows like captain planet….its like reliving my childhood or something…its weird…I need to stop….BUT I CANT BWAHAHAHAHA….. ok yeah…sorry, let me continue with this, because I am sure (and this is a big assumption on my part) that you guys don't want to hear me blabber but that you actually want to read the story…well, you gotta be patient, because I must talk to my reviewers (and if you must know…I love you guys!)

**Crystalshine**—Eeie! I'm so happy you're happy…hell, I'm happy I'm happy. I figured that it might as well happen. I mean, it was only a kiss…hehe

**Chica de los Ojos Café**—Yes, yes very much indeed….or was it….dun dun duuuuun! Yeah, I gotta have some sorta mysterie some where don't i. So I wont exactly answer that hidden question…yet….

**RavenDarkSorceress**—Not quite sure if I'm going to KILL anyone….but all the same…when you got some free time, tell me, and we'll grab a couple of pitch forks or something, k? lol…you have no idea how bad I want to do that…but no…..:Sobs: That's ok, tho, u always get me laughin

**DarkDeamon3**—Patience! I'm so sorry I'm making you wait…and if you people aren't smart and reading all of this, I might as well make it obvious **_I THINK THIS IS GOING TO BE MY SECOND TO LAST CHAPTER!_** Got it? So be anxious no more…I will decide!

**Zicora**—YOU'RE so GREAT! You're reviews are AWESOME, (if you guys haven't realized that I really like typing that word….:Shakes head:) Your last one so got me in the mood to write..so inspirational….you know what…THIS CHAPTER'S for You! Just for that…yeah. Issues, I know… I like the nighttime

**Otakualways**—HAHAHAHAHA! I feel the same exact way!

**The Wings of Raven**—Thank you very much!

* * *

**What Drove Me to Madness**

**Chapter 5—Night**

If tears could fall from my eyes right now, I'm sure they would. I don't feel so good anymore. I feel sick, it's hard to think straight. Hazy thoughts are mixing with so many other things. My stomach is throbbing. I can hear whispers from the outside world. Death keeps wrapping around whatever they are pumping through my veins. It wants to stop it so badly. Is that why I'm sick? I think there's something in my arm. I want to pull it out. I haven't felt the touch of skin since you left me. I can smell chemicals, taste the latex in the air. Death is so much more comforting, embracing me for who I am. It calls me to a final and eternal peace.

But, no. It's coming now. The memory, no matter how hard I try to suppress it. This one is the one that I'll forever cherish. Forever hate.

We're so close to the end. Just listen to me for a little longer.

(_Back_)

Raven looked at herself in the mirror, her eyes the only thing truly visible underneath the white, soapy foam. A washcloth sat beside her wet toothbrush, ready to be used for the night. She didn't look any different, but everything _felt_ different, better.

Every time she closed her eyes she saw blue neon lights.

The sound of the door squeaking open caused her to bring reality back into perspective.

"We have got to stop meeting like this," Raven said.

Robin laughed as he walked over to one of the other sinks. "What can I say? I'm only in here to brush my teeth." He proceeded to squirt a strip of toothpaste on his tooth brush, wetting under the running faucet before saying, "So you're finally getting off the rest of the cotton candy, are you?"

It was seriously times like these that she was thankful her face was hidden by a mass of soapy bubbles. Actually, this was the only time she was glad to be covered in bubbles and in front of some one, but that wasn't the point. She ran some water over her washcloth and began to rinse off her face.

She was beginning to walk out of the door when Raven spit his toothpaste in the sink and said, "Hold on a second. I want to talk to you."

_It's nothing,_ she said to her suddenly pounding heart. _It means nothing. Stay calm. This isn't you._

He walked over to her. "About tonight, on the Ferris Wheel…"

"Oh. Sometimes heights do that to you. I really—"

His lips pressed against hers, silencing her. "Please, I don't want to talk in here. Come with me." Raven nodded. He grabbed her hand, lacing his fingers through hers. She barely managed to hold of an embarrassed smile as he pulled her from the bathroom to his bedroom.

It was definitely a boy's room. Despite Robin's neatness, in one corner, there was a clothes pile. No pictures adorned his walls, no mementos or anything to remind him of anything. Training supplies were scattered around the room in various intervals.

He let go of her hand and began to pace.

"Why did I kiss you?" he asked suddenly.

She paused, her eyebrows furrowing. "What!"

"I'm asking you why I kissed you. Do you know?"

Raven stared at him blankly.

"It goes along with so many questions. Why is it that when in a group, I'm compelled to stand next to you? Why is it that when we're alone, I have so many thoughts and nothing to say? Why is it that, before I fall asleep, I'm wondering if you're alright or not. Why do I feel closest to you but say the least? Why is it that you haunt every thought I have?" He took a deep breath.

Raven shook her head, signifying that she knew naught. Her eyes were wide.

"You feel nothing the same, do you?"

"Robin, yes! I—" Hell. Words weren't going to be enough here. Without thinking, she stepped up to him and kissed him.

Fear flooded through her for a split second when nothing happened. Oh, what had she done?

He kissed her back with as much passion and fervor as she had given, maybe more. She was lost in bliss. Happiness, an emotion she rarely felt, was pouring over her like rain, filling her mind till she was thoughtless but of the kiss.

Raven pulled away, gasping, "Robin," before he leaned back in.

His arms wrapped around her waist and traveled up and down her back as she clung to his shoulders. Her cape dropped to the floor with a faint slither of cloth. One step, then another. He kissed her face with a passion, her nose, cheeks, closed eyes, back to her lips. Another step. Another. Another.

He helped her sit on his bed, never breaking their embrace. Cold fear mixed with excitement rushed from her stomach to her chest and down her arms and back. A nervous giggle rose unbidden from her throat, and he pulled away, smiling. He whispered her name in her ear. She shuddered.

Somewhere in the midst, the clothes started dropping. Her thoughts here were vague and scattered. She remembered seeing his ungloved hands and admiring for the first time the last touch of boy in them. When he reached to pull down one of her sleeves she laughed and said, "No! Don't look!"

"Embarrassed?"

"Slightly." Her cheeks were reddening by the second.

He pulled it down anyway and kissed her neck, and then down to her shoulder. Her hands splayed across his bare chest, most thoughts of embarrassment leaving.

A laugh. A sigh. The shifting of blankets. A kiss. A whisper.

"I love you," he said.

She was quiet. She kissed him, and all words were forgotten.

(_Present_)

If that was only the end of it. If that was the last that I ever had to deal with, I wouldn't be here. I would be safe. Maybe. I would be in your arms. Maybe. I would be able to tell you that I love you. Maybe.

_**Raven, please. Just listen to me. I know, Raven, I know. Please come back.**_

You're so choosy. You have Star. Go to her.

_**I said I'm fine. Tell her I'm fine. **_

Always concerned about her. And you should be. Just one more story and I'll go.

_**Star, we can't do anything. I know we need her.**_

Ah, it's not an I thing. My strings attached to this world are slowly being snipped. You only hold a choice few more.

_**Raven…**_

I'm not going anywhere.

_**I can't take this. Just go.**_

Another line lost. I'm in too deep now. If only you could hear my pleas. Then again…

_**I'm listening, now.**_

If only you didn't.

* * *

Yeppers peppers, and that's the show. Well, sorta…I think there's one more to go. Sorry all you lemon lovers. I decided to stick with PG-13…yeah. Might as well…Mebbie later, and in a different story…I suck at romance so mebbie never. Yah, newayz, please review and boost my moral! It's late, and I'm awake! 


	6. Final Thought

OK, so, How many of you ppl totally hate me now for not updating in, almost a year? Hehe, please don't hurt me. I am so totally sorry. I got distracted by a billion things. The most recent thing is that, according to a local dream interpreter, I may die….or become successful. Those are the two paths I have to chose from…and when he said die, he meant, like, really soon. So I figured I would force myself to write this chapter. How lucky for you guys! Like I said tho, I am SO SORRY!

Now…

**Crystalshine**—Yeah, never really liked Starfire either, at all, ever. Thank you forever for the wonderful reviews!

**Superchick116**—Wow, you are probably one of the ones that will yell at me for taking this long…SORRY! cries This is the last one, I promise, I PROMISE!

**DarkSin**—Was with ya all the way. Thankies so much!

**XLife**—You have absolutely no need to appologize to me for anything. I'm the one who hasn't reviewed sooner. I feel like I've let you down…Thank you for the compliment!

**FalmeThrower7**—Ok, here's your wish, even though it is not even CLOSE to soon…my bad.

**Zicora**—Well, now you can finally see how it ends! You understand me so WELL! Craziness for realz! Ha, and mentioning your cat. I can just see this little cat face in this big thing of bubbles! IT WAS CONFUSION! That's what it was…I think…Like I said…here is the ending!

**The Magic Rabbit**—Crazy all the way! Thanks!

**Umbra Puella**—Leftover chicken and Titan Rising are both awesome…and here is your update…the sad, late, late, late, late update…

SilverRosePheonix—Alright, so…umm…I dunno. Lets hope you fixed that on your own…because I don't know how your going to read….never mind. Thanks for the review.

**Chica De Los Ojos Café**—Thank you so much! Yes, I almost cried writing that. I always appreciate your reviews!

**alena-chan**—Thank you so so so so so so so so so so so so so so SO much for your review….I really appreciated it and your writing. THANK YOU!

**YoukaiTenshi**—Here ya go

TTGirl182—thank you for bringing up my mistake! I so never realized that.

**Raven and Nightwolf—**Umm…yeah, uh, thanks, I guess. I'm confused. That's ok, I think….thanks for forcing yourself to read, umm, don't hurt yourself though…I don't want to, like, make you do anything you don't want to or not….kk…

* * *

**What Drove Me to Madness**

**Chapter 6—Final Thought**

I know it's coming. I can feel the breath of finality, the pull of the eternal. One more whispered story of my mind for you. Yet still, you torture me. Your words to me, to Star, from everyone, for me. I hate you for everything… I love you for everything.

One more breath for me to call for you.

(_back_)

Raven slipped out early. A whispered smile to the murmuring boy in the bed, tangled in sheets, the one not dressed in the room, and she left.

Back in her room, she slipped into bed. Despite sleeping with Robin, there was so little sleep involved. In a few seconds, she was asleep, dreaming warm thoughts and imagining she could feel Robin's warmth still beside her.

The next thing she knew, there was a knock on her door. "Raven?" Cy asked. "Are you alright? It's almost noon."

"Mmm," she grumbled. "I'll get up later."

It was later when she finally awoke, surrounded by her dark walls and mirrors. A content soreness flooded through her muscles. She tidied up some, and then walked out of her room.

It was oddly silent. She walked to the kitchen and got some food, good food… not tofu. She ate that silently, listening to the eerie silence in the tower. She jumped into the shower after eating, but she was preoccupied with thoughts of Robin.

Who was she, this new her? There were no doubts, no regrets. Their night together seemed to have erased all thoghts and fears of anything but him. Beautiful, sexy, sweet, Robin.

She redressed in a haze. The tower was still creepily quite. She decided to take a walk around. Where could they be? Surely not a mission without her. She would have heard the alarm.

She walked around. No one, no T.V. on, no Cy in his workshop, no Starfire flitting around, no Robin…

She took a walk to his shop. She could hear voices, muffled, musical and rough. She stuck her head inside the door, about to chide whoever was in there for not being louder. That would be a first. But when she saw, her heart stopped and her breath froze.

"Robin, even if she won't say it, I will. Forever." They were sitting on his car, too close for comfort, oblivious to Raven's entrance.

"I don't want you to have to worry about it, Starfire. I'm sure it was all a mis—"

Starfire stopped him with a kiss, deep and searing. She caught Raven's eyes but continued as Robin leaned in. Raven stayed long enough to watch Robin's hands got to Starfire's shoulders, caressing with familiar ease.

As she fled the door, she heard Starfire's, "Even if she won't, I love you." And Robin finished his word. "Mistake."

Raven ran fast to her room, taking no notice of the brewing storm outside, reflecting the tumult of her emotions. He hadn't _loved_ her. He had _used_ her. And she had fallen for it. FALLEN! A sob, and actual sob, wracked her body, and she felt tears flooding her stinging eyes. Promises. Fear.

I want to be gone.

(_present_)

And there you have it. Why I need you. Even if you never wanted me. But, here, I'll make a compromise to Death, who seems hard-pressed to have me. Death, let me see him one more time, to tell him. Then I'll go with you. We'll be together. Consort and Mistress.

_**I don't understand why you won't listen to me. But I understand. Raven, please, I can't be without you. Please!**_

But Star. And I'm not stupid. I can see, I can hear, and I can remember. Don't lie to me. Just hold on. I'm coming.

_**Raven, you're leaving me. Why are you leaving me? Everyone else has left! Everything in my past… My future is fading without you. There is no without you. And to be with you, if it has to be in ground, then let it be that.**_

Robin….wait. What are you thinking. Just…wait. Wait. I'm waking up. Death is agreeing for the moment. One more look… it can be your explanation. Just wait.

_**I c-can't. I c-c-can't do this w-wi-without you. Raven. I'm coming. Baby, I'm coming. We'll be fine together, wherever you are. I'm coming.**_

Robin…why are you crying. I can here you…Robin. Damn it, wait! Wait for me to open my eyes. What are you saying.

_**I never cared for anyone else. Never. I never loved anyone more than you. Star says you saw us, that day in the shop. It wasn't what you think. But why waste my words now? I'll explain them to you in death, my love, and we will be there..eternity.**_

Robin. Don't. Wait! Why waste your beauty of life? My eyes are opening. Death is waiting…moving. There you are. Splended, sobbing, perfect in the blur of my mind. Your holding something…what. What is it. Robin…no. No!

_**I'm coming.**_

A scalpel to your wrist. Robin, please. Look at me. LOOK AT ME! My eyes are filling with tears. Look at me now. My heart… Robin, no! Is this the pain you are in… to watch the one you love succumb to death's seducing call? Look at me, please. I'm here. Robin. ROBIN.

_**Get out of my head. I'm going for Raven. Rae, these doubts in my mind call like your voice. It's not you. I love you. I'm coming. I'm coming for you.**_

God. Robin, I love you, too. Open your eyes look at me. Don't do it. Pull it away from your wrist. Stop! STOP.

The black glow that encircles your wrist, rips away the scalpel. It's me.

A sob. "Robin, I love you!"

You look up. How beautiful.

"Raven?"

"Robin. Please. I love you."

"Raven?" You rush over to my bed. "Oh god. Raven."

You're sobbing on me. Death is screaming as it fades, cursing me. I'm crying on you. I almost lost you. I almost watched you die.

"What were you thinking. You're so stupid."

"Raven, your voice is so weak. I love you. I do. Don't make me leave you. Please. I don't ever want to leave you again. You're so precious. While you were…going. I remembered so much. The twister board, the Ferris Wheel…I realized how much I needed you. Don't make me leave."

"Robin, no. Don't leave. I won't make you. You fought for me."

"Raven, you're weak. The doctors are coming. I'm here."

"…and yes," you whisper. "I'll fight for you always."

* * *

Ok, so I know, gay ending after all that wait. How many of you still exsist. At least I'm finished, even though I had an alternate ending, I chose the happy one. There ya go. I'm out.

-Kaiame


End file.
